The Real Reason Behind Ghetto Wedding Cake | Ghetto Wedding Cake

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Bill Wilson

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How alarming would a bar action accept been?

Well, it’s assuredly time to change my little byline at the basal of my blog posts. I am no best the 29 year old agnate of Dorothy from the Golden Girls. I am now the 30 year old agnate of Sophia. I’ve been accepting a asperous time with this new chiffre and ample the best way to emotionally handle my coast into elderliness was to allure a agglomeration of my accompany to my admired bend bar and get really, f*@%#* drunk.

Which is what I did on Saturday.

The ancestors took me to an aboriginal banquet at Universal Cafe afore I absolved over to the Jay ‘N Bee Club to activate drowning my sorrows. To my delight, my mother and best acquaintance Zoe had decked the abode out with adolescence photos of me, candles and balloons. It was awesome. Even added awesome, the aboriginal actuality I saw back I absolved in the aperture was Bill Wilson.

OMG. Bill Wilson. BeeDub. The man that captures Gavin clashing anyone else. Immediately, Bill presented me with a azure Tiffany box. OMG. Tiffany & Co. from BeeDub. Inside was a account of Gavin with his -to-be ancestors and opera breadth amethyst gloves. And below that, a abutting up of Swiss Miss’ assurance ring.

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Thanks, BeeDub. Few things admonish me that I’m activity die algid and abandoned like a photo of some actress’ awkward feel acid MY abuse jewelry.

Soon, my accompany started accession and affairs me booze, which is back aggregate gets a little blurry. My blogging peeps were out in abounding force, including SFMike, Beyond Chron’s Paul “Poprocks” Hogarth and the attractive Candied Melissa, who is absolutely candied in absolute life. I was kinda acquisitive she’d be Bitchy Melissa, but I assumption that position has been filled.

The abutting affair I know, my aces boyfriend, Assemblyman Mark Leno accustomed and afterwards alive the room, presented me with a amusing announcement basically calling me a crazy person. It’s gigantic and affected and has an official allowance and everything. I’ve re-read it like, 22 times. I’m cerebration it should go over my mantle.

Another altogether abruptness was the august Brian accession with my altogether cake. It turns out Brian had spent all day authoritative a huge bells cake, complete with a helpmate and benedict on top. And Scotch-taped to anniversary of their little active was a account of Gavin and a account of me. Needless to say, I had to abrasion the amethyst gloves whilst acid the block and that little Spots/Newsom helpmate and benedict is activity on the crimson appropriate below my big, adorned proclamation.

All of a sudden, I looked up to see Joe Alioto Veronese handing me a canteen of wine. Holy shit. JAV and Julie collection in the cloudburst rain all the way to the ghetto in their Hybrid SUV? Fabulous! By the time addition I don’t apperceive fabricated me do a attempt of article I don’t know, Mark and JAV were abysmal in chat with my dad. In my stupor, I silently congratulated myself of actuality a arch architect and hoped Carole Migden was sitting at home abandoned watching Season 7 of American Idol and bistro clasp cheese.

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That’s how I like to anticipate Carole’s bottomward time, by the way. In my ailing mind, Carole Migden wears those abashing wolf-howling-at-the-moon, truck-stop t-shirts and frowns on her couch while watching sub-par absoluteness television.

As the night wore on the army dwindled and I regained my about accord abundant to see some guy sitting abandoned at the bar.

Um, oh god. Oh Candied Jesus in heaven above. It’s Mike Farrah! I assumption Mike’s job appellation is technically Gavin’s Senior Advisor, but I like to anticipate he absolutely aloof follows the ambassador about and takes his booze away.

Props to Farrah for assuming up late, ensuring that I’d blunder over to him and say inappropriate things. Well played, Team Newsom. Well played.

Finally, my accompany arranged up my announcement and my presents (mostly booze and books about consecutive killers) and absolved me home in the rain.

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When I woke up the abutting morning, downing four Tylenol with “Sunrise” acidity Crystal Light, the contest of the antecedent night boring crept into my mind.

Wait, Bill Wilson and amethyst gloves? Mark account aloud in a bar? Spots and Gavin bells cake? JAV bubbler with my dad? Mike Farrah actuality on purpose?

Oh god. This can alone beggarly one thing.

I’m 30.

Beth Spotswood describes herself as “The 29-year-old agnate of Dorothy The 30-year-old agnate of Sophia from The Golden Girls.” She spends her chargeless time assuming not to beam at crazy bodies agreeable on San Francisco’s sidewalks. Originally from Marin, Beth now lives in the Mission and doesn’t get why bodies are so into burritos. You can acquisition Beth actuality every Wednesday at noon, and at I’ll Flip You. Flip You For Real, area “The opinions bidding are antic and in no way reflect annihilation of value. Do not booty them seriously…”

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